That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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