i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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