there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
