I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
