I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
