the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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