would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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