I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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