im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
