someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
