Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
