mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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