Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
birth control should be required to get into college
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
