1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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