Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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