We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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