omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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