Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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