her vagina looked like bernie madoff
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
