He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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