Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
