We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
