I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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