So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
