Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I could teleport
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
