sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
