Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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