I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
