What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
