i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
