Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
