Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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