First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
