meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
