I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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