history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
