i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Watching her eat just hurts me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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