I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize