If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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