Farmville is her only friend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
