i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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