my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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