Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
