Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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