She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
