As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
