Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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