Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
