Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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