She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
