I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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