is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
