I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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