I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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