they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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