I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
