I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
