'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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