I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
