I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
