I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
