He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
