I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
