Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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