20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
