You're so nebulous sometimes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
