Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
