This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
