May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
