Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
