I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
