the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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