i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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