we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
