She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
