Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
