she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i think i just lost a toe
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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