when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
