You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
