Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
