Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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