So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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