Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
