i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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