I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
