I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
