I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
